Grateful November

Another 2 months have flown by since I last wrote.  Mom and Dad are still about the same, actually Mom is getting worse.  Her memory is not as good as it was a couple of months ago.  We found out that she is feeding dad the same meal almost every night.  So this past week I took in 2 meals to help shake things up and Corie did it this week.  Well, that must have been enough, because mom told me on 2 different occasions that she is making dad different meals.  I was happy to hear that.  Maybe if we keep shaking things up it will help her out.

The grandchildren are wonderful as always and we now have another beautiful grandson.  Logan and Maria had little Hinkley on September 17th.  He is a doll.  I hope he lives up to his namesake.  You couldn't go wrong doing that.

I have been working on Advent calendars for the kids and their families.  I want to have them done by the last Sunday in November, so I have a deadline to meet.  I want to be able to enjoy this Christmas season.  I want to decorate and bake and just love my family this season.  It is the first time I've felt like this since we moved up here six years ago.  Crazy that I haven't been in the spirit of things until now.  Don't know what made the difference, but something has.

I have to speak in church tomorrow.  I am speaking on being the salt of the earth and letting my light shine and helping others.  I hope it goes okay.

That is about all that has been happening.  Love to all.

Only A Moment

The past month has been so crazy busy.  I don't seem to even have a moment to relax anymore.  However today I had a blessed moment and thought I'd just jot down a few of the things that have taken place.

Hannah finally got a job in Logan.  She has been looking all summer and had been putting our resumes like crazy.  The thing is, in Logan there are so many students that they are a dime a dozen.  Needless to say, that is how they are paid too.  She went to several interviews and either her school schedule didn't work with what the company needed or they just didn't get back to her.  She feels blessed to have gotten a job at Love's to Cook ~Kitchen Kneads in Logan.  She loves it and they love her back.  So I'm grateful for that.

We had a 3-day family reunion.  It was a crazy amount of work and luckily my sister-in-law is very handy at entertainment.  She organized it and we were the back up team.  It was our families turn to provide the place, food and entertainment.  So it was a BIG deal.  It went off without a hitch and everyone seemed to have a wonderful time.

I have been taking care of my parents most of the Summer with their needs.  They are both having a hard time with their health.  My dad physically and my mom mentally.  Dad seems to be doing okay most days.  Mom is getting worse and worse.  We took her into a Neuropsychologist and he has done memory testing on her and today we will find out the results of his testing.  Mom also had sinus surgery and that went well.  I'm hoping today is the catalyst of better things to come and that she begins to get well.

I have also been taking care of grandchildren.  Sam and I have had Leola and Oliver for a couple of different sleep overs and it was fun.  Oliver is in the middle of potty training that I started while he was here for his sleep over.  He is doing great.  Leola is a wonder and is loving Pre-school.  I can't believe how old she is getting.  Emma and Kenley are both still babies and are doing great.  But the grandkids have kept me busy on the days when I haven't been with my parents.

I'm loving having a break today, although I'm headed back to the Dr's this afternoon.  But hey I had a morning and so I can't complain.  It's the little things that I am learning to appreciate.

Torn, Yearning, Willing, Praying

Here it is August and it's been another month since I last wrote.  The thoughts of my heart today are purely my own.  Today I am crying to my Lord for his forgiveness.  My heart is so full of shame for the sinner that I am.  No I haven't done anything huge that would require incarceration.  But I'm finding it's all of the little things that I do that I truly need to be forgiven of.  It's the daily not-so-nice thoughts that I have, the contentious feelings when I feel I'm wronged, the envyings of my heart.  Today I have great need to know that He will forgive me and that someday I can return to Him.  Oh to be changed of heart and to no longer do those things that would keep me from Him.  And yet he blesses me on a daily basis.  He fulfills my every need and is so willing to show that I am His child.  This is where the shame comes in.  That I could cause my Lord pain through my thoughtlessness and inconsiderate actions.  This day I pray that I will be a new person from now to forever.  One that cares more, is more willing to serve,  shows kindness and charity to those I come into contact with.  That I could be His hands here upon the earth is the desire of my heart.

Crazy Summer Days!

I couldn't believe that July 4th came and went so quickly.  I looked at the last post I made and it was a month ago!  How can that be...  Time is flying so quickly.  Summer has finally made it's warmth felt and everything is growing and green once again.  The weather here has been in the 100's, the highest being 112 degrees.  I thought I would melt that day, but the last couple of days the weather has settled back down and it is in the 90's with my beloved Summer thunderstorms making their debut.  I love sitting on our back deck watching the lightning and listening to the thunder.  

Life has been busy with taking care of my parents and grandchildren.  I usually travel an hour down to Ogden, Utah where they live at least 3-5 times a week.  This week I will be taking them to 3 different doctors appointments and then watching my grandson on Friday so his mother can work in SLC, UT.  It does take up alot of my time, but hey isn't that what family is about, caring for one another?  Sometimes it gets a bit stressful, but Heavenly Father is helping me through all of that.  I figure this is the time of my life to be caring for those that I love and I take it a day at a time.

I will be traveling to Kansas City, MO for the weekend on July 23-26.  I am taking my daughter to see one of the people she taught the Gospel to on her mission.  My daughter's friend is getting married in the Temple there and so we are making a roadtrip out of it.  I can't wait.  I think it will be fun to do.  

I love Summer.  It has always been my favorite time of year.  I guess the Lord must know that and He blesses me so that I can enjoy the sun and family!

Sunday, Sweet Sunday!

I love Sunday mornings.  This morning is beautiful with sunshine streaming in through the windows, the birds are singing and everything seems fresh and new.  It feels my soul and makes me want to stay here in this moment.  But things change and the day moves on.

Hannah and I got home off our trip last Sunday evening.  We found all well at home.  On Monday we got busy and started painting her final wall in her bedroom.  We did a Chevron pattern in Blue, Tan and Cream.  It is actually a pretty relaxing room now.  We finished up yesterday (Saturday).  It has been a busy week.

I watched Oliver on Monday and had a great day with him.  He is such a sweet boy!  I love the days when I get to watch him.  Tuesday and Wednesday I'm actually not sure what took my time.  I know I did yard work on Wednesday because I was determined that I would get it done so Sam wouldn't have to do it.  Friday Hannah and I spent the time at the hair Salon.  Jamie normally does our hair, but she got sick with a horribly bad sinus infection, so we went to some local ladies this time.  We had been waiting about 5 weeks to get our hair done and couldn't wait any longer. Thursday was a rather interesting day.  Hannah had thought she hurt her back doing yardwork for a lady in Tremonton.  She had been moving dirt and doing a lot of bending over.  So I took her to a chiropractor in Brigham City.  He felt her back and low and behold he said that it wasn't anything he could help with and that I needed to contact a surgeon.  Well, that threw my morning.  So we contacted Sheila Garvey in Ogden.  She is a surgeon and a friend.  She saw Hannah and said that Hannah had a pilonidal cyst and that she had to take antibiotics for 10 days.  We have to go back to her office tomorrow and if it isn't better then we need to decide if she has surgery on Tuesday to remove it.  So this week is pretty up in the air.

But today I am sitting relaxing and enjoying the day.  I am loving the sweet spirit of this day.  I am grateful for this morning and the calmness I feel.  I know the Lord blesses me with days like today so that my Soul can be replentished and rejuvinated so that I can deal with my crazy weeks.

New Family!

My daughter came home off her mission on April 30th.  Since then we have heard much about her companions.  She didn't have many as she was only really in 2 places her whole mission.  However there were those that made a life long impression on her.  They taught her and became her sisters.  They shared sacred and scary situations together.  So this weekend we have taken a roadtrip, my daughter and I.  We left our small home town of Fielding on Thursday and ventured forth to Oregon.
On our way, I was able to stop in Ontario, Oregon just outside of New Plymouth, ID and visit with a cousin that I haven't seen in 7+ years.  It was wonderful to get a hug from her and to be able to tell her how much I love her.  I'm not sure when I will see her again.  She is doing well and looked great.  She is taking care of a daughter and grandson permanently and she is always helping her other children, so her life is full.

The drive to Lakeview, Oregon was an adventure.  We saw beautiful scenery and lovely places that I didn't know existed.  Who knew that there were desert areas in Oregon?  I didn't but oh it is beautiful.  Then there were the small towns and simple ways of life we saw.  The tiny cafe's and busy little towns on our way.  I always find it interesting to watch people in these places.  They are just like in my small town.  They are kind and happy and just enjoying going about their daily lives.

Then we arrived in Lakeview to meet a wonderful family!  My daughter served with Katie McFarland and it was her that we were going to visit, but we got a bonus.  We got to meet her family!  How impressed I am.  They are wonderful people that have taken us in warmy and let us share this weekend with them.  They have been so kind and gracious.

Last night the girls (Hannah and Katie) wanted to go out and watch them burn a pond.  It was amazing.  They lit a match and threw it into this pond and it began to burn on top of the water.  The pond is fed by an artisian well and it has somekind of gas that it lets off as it comes out of the ground.  It was pretty spectacular to watch.  Then we drove around the duck ponds and listened to the birds sing before they retired for the night.

Today we are doing some cooking while the girls go and have a great time together.  I was so anxious to meet this family.  I get worried about not measuring up, but this family has taken us right in and made us a part of them.  I am so grateful for the time we are spending together.  It's amazing how Heavenly Father places people in our lives to bless and uplift.  I am so grateful to have this new family in my life.  They are special people and I can see why my daughter loved the time on her mission when she and Katie were together.

Missionary Is Back ~ I'm growing

We were blessed on April 30th to get our missionary home from her mission in Tallahassee, Florida.  She had a wonderful 18 month experience there and has been sharing those with us since she returned.  She shares her testimony of our Savior daily in the ways she has changed and the things she has learned and continues to do.  I had a hard time while she was gone, I admit that.  However, I wouldn't have had her anyplace else.  She was doing the Lord's work sharing his Gospel.  She couldn't have been in better hands or learning from a better source.  I am grateful she is home and blessing our lives in a different way.

Our sweet Hannah has so many plans now that she is home.  She is going to attend college of which she states she has 7 years to go.  She wants to get a Masters in Architecture.  And I know she will do it.  She is dedicated to her goals.

She is teaching me.  She is such a wonderful example of how we should share the Gospel in our everyday lives.  She is so willing to always help others.  She goes out of her way to do this.  What a blessing it has been to have her for a daughter.

We have kept busy doing things and going places.  We are taking a road trip in late May to visit her companion in Oregon.  I am excited to meet this wonderful woman that my daughter got to know on her mission.  This sweet sister and her family will be taking us under their wings for a weekend and I'm so excited to meet them all.  It will be fun!

So in our lives, things continue to change and I'm grateful because with that change I am able to continue to grow and learn.

Parents and Growing Old

For the last 2 1/2 weeks I have spent most of my time with my parents.  You see, they are getting on in life and things happen.  My father feel on April 23 (Tuesday) and wouldn't let us take him to a doctor until Saturday morning, the 29th.  He had a painful evening and night on Friday and so he finally consented to us taking him to the hospital.  When we got there, they found out that he had broken his hip and that he needed a total left hip replacement.  They did the surgery on Sunday morning and he was in the hospital until Wednesday when we moved him into a rehab facility.  The rehab facility was Crestwood in Ogden.  We hated it.  So we then moved him on Thursday to Thatcher Brook Rehab in Clearfield.  It has been a blessing to us.  They have been so kind to him there.  He is now up and walking (with a walker) and he is starting to go up and down stairs.  He is starting to be able to do some things for himself that we weren't sure he could do.  We are so grateful!

While he has been going through this, my mother has been struggling.  You see my dad is her memory.  She is suffering from the onset of Alzheimer's disease.  She has had a rough time without him there to keep her straight.  But we are working on that.  We have an appointment with a Neurologist to see if they can help her.  She can't get in until May 14th, but we will do what we can.

It is hard to see your parents grow old.  They still try and be strong for us, but it is now our turn to take care of them.  They have been strong for so long.  I have wonderful parents.  We haven't always seen eye to eye, but they have always had my best interest at heart.  I love them dearly and it is hard to see them suffer.

What a blessing Families are, to be there for one another.  This is a new stage of my life as well as theirs.  I am looking forward to helping them and hopefully I will be a blessing to them as they have been to me.

Memorial Day

When I was younger, I remember going with my family up to Henefer to decorate the graves of my great grandparents.  I never knew them, although I was blessed to know all of my grandparents and my great grandparents on my father's mother's side (hope that makes sense).  Anyways, as I was out walking today it was nice to have time to reminisce about those that have gone before.  It used to seem like it took all day to go from Henefer to Ogden to Brigham City and then back home.  But now I know it was really family time - a time for stories and remembering and I'm grateful I had it with my family.  I miss it and wish I had done it more with our own family. 

My grandmother on my mom's side was raised by her grandparents, because her mother died shortly after she was born.  They lived in a small community and the doctor got drunk once he had delivered my grandmother and hadn't taken great care with my great grandmother and she passed away due to this.  So my grandmother was raised with her aunts as siblings.  They had a hard life, but a wonderful life.  She would always tell us stories about the farm where she grew up and how she had her grandfather wrapped around her finger.  He dearly loved her.  She always brought these people I had never known to life and I will always be grateful to her for that.  She had a talent for sewing.  She would even make her own patterns.  I felt growning up that she could make anything and she was always happy to do it. 

My grandfather died of cancer when I was 10-years old.  He was a funny guy, but I don't remember much about him.  One thing I do remember was that he always walked with a sort of a waddle, because his little toe had been broken and never fixed right.  He also used to love to watch the world series and he'd bet us a nickle on who would win.  I was very young at the time, but this was something fun he did.  He also used to have rum flavored lifesavers for us to eat.

On my father's side, I knew my grandparents, but not nearly as well as I wished I had.  I remember my grandmother used to pop her popcorn in a iron frying pan on her stove.  Her house either smelled of perking coffee (in the mornings) or late in the afternoons of burnt popcorn.  She however could grow anything.  In her old farm kitchen (which was huge) she had a lemon tree and a banana tree.  I actually saw a lemon on the tree once, but never the bananas.  For Utah, that's quite the feat!  Her flower gardens were beautiful and very large.  Each Spring she would order new bulbs for the Fall to plant.  She had so many flowers.  I would love to have had that talent - my sister got it. I usually kill plants.  She also loved to read.  I remember her having books on shelves in her familyroom, lots of books.  (Maybe this is where I got my love of reading).  This grandmother took care of my great grandparents (her parents) and so I was able to get to know them.  They were small, frail people when I knew them, but they were wonderful and we felt loved by them.

My grandfather had a prosthetic leg due to phlebitis.  He lost his leg when my father was in high school and so the kids pitched in and helped keep the farm up and running until he got back on his feet.  He was a really hardworker and he taught my dad the same work ethic that my father taught us kids.  He lived with my parents for a year before he died, so we got to spend a little more time with him.  He was a kindly man with deep red hair and freckles.

I love thinking back on my past and those I have known that are now gone.  What a legacy they've given us. I hope that my children and grandchildren feel the same some day about me and the things I've tried to teach them. I love Memorial Day and the chance it gives us to reflect on our beginnings and those who have helped shape our lives.  I have been very blessed.

Life ~ Forever Changing

Life is moving along and I am happy.  This winter has been so mild that I cannot complain.  However this Summer will be a different story as I am sure we will be short on water.  But we will take that in stride and continue to pray for an abundance of moisture to come and help us out.

I have been endeavoring for sometime to regain my health and I am finally feeling the blessings of consistency.  I am feeling so much better and happier.  I still have some work to do, but life is a work in progress.

I have been using Kefir, both water and dairy and also Kombaucha and they have been a blessing in helping get my gut back in balance.  Who knew that eight years ago when I was diagnosed with Celiac disease that it would be such a journey.  I have learned so much about how we eat and the good things and bad things in our diets.  What things we have changed in the name of getting a better yeild vs doing things as the Lord intended.  Really, as I think back on the past eight years I feel so blessed.  Yes, I have Celiac disease and I always will, but because of this I have had to search and study to find answers.  If I had never had this happen, I wouldn't be who I am today.  So here are a few things that I've learned for myself.

• People with Celiac can have a Gluten intolerance or they can't.  My father has Celiac disease and for 38 years has eaten any and everything he has wanted and they thought he was healed.  However now he is suffering from neurologic problems caused by the damage done by gluten all of those years.  He never once got sick eating gluten.  Me on the other hand am down for the count whenever I get gluten.
• My body cannot handle sugar like it used to.  I have found that I am so much more healthy and happy when I abstain from taking in processed sugars.  The more natural the sugar the better I do and I do even better when I don't have any.
• I am beginning to have problems when I ingest much of any corn products.  I'm not sure if it is due to the starch that is produced, or if it is due to the corn being changed so that the farmers can get a higher yeild.
• It doesn't matter if I'm thin, as long as I am healthy that matters.  When I am healthy I am happy and with that happiness comes contentment and confidence.  I think this is when I am at my most beautiful.  It isn't about being thin anymore, it's about being happy and healthy.

I will most likely continue to have to search things out and study and pray about them, and I think that is just fine.  When I am learning I am happy.  I think Heavenly Father wants us to continue to learn always and if He gave everything to me on a silver platter, I wouldn't learn for myself.  So it is a good thing to continue to learn.  I love that life continues.  I love the ebb and flow as we move along and interact with others.  There is no constant in life, except that it is forever changing.  I love that.

Leadership and Stress

My sweet husband took me to Hawaii last week.  It was a wonderful vacation and get away.  We had just the week before had our one-year-old granddaughter and two-year-old grandson stay with us.  I had forgotten how crazy that life once was.

Before we left, I had found a lump in my left breast.  The lady that does the mammography at the hospital said, "Go to Hawaii, enjoy it.  This doesn't look like anything."  So imagine my surprise when I get a phone call from the hospital stating that they need me to come back in because things don't look normal.  I scheduled it for the Tuesday after we got back.  I wasn't too stressed, just a little.

So then on Sunday while we were still in Hawaii, my husband gets a phone call asking if he can come in and see our Stake President.  (The local leader of our group of churches.)  We told them we were in Hawaii and wouldn't be home until the following Friday.  We knew that they were re-organizing our local church leadership, but still no stress, just a little.

So we enjoyed the rest of our vacation and kept questioning each other once in awhile.  ME:  So what do you think they want?  MY HUSBAND:  Oh, I will probably just keep my same calling.  HIM: So what kind of lump was it you found?  ME: Oh, it was just like a grape, nothing they said to worry about.  That kind of thing. . . . .

On Friday we got home at around 2:30 pm.  I told my husband that I wanted to take a nap.  So he set the alarm and we laid down for an hour or so.  We got up, got dressed and chased over to the church.  Our Stake President asked my husband if he would serve our local congregation or ward as the First Counselor in the Bishopric.  Ok, my head was spinning a little, but I could handle this.  He is a great man and will do a great job.  And he is now serving with a great group of men that will serve well.  They were sustained that Sunday (Feb 15, 2015).  It really didn't hit me until my husband gave me a sweet kiss and headed up to sit in front of the congregation.  I realized that I would be sitting alone from now on for the next 5 or so years while he serves.  Yeah, my head was really spinning that day.  I felt like I was on the outside of my body looking at everything that was going on.

On Tuesday I was going to get my car inspected prior to my hospital appointment, however when I got in the car and tried to start it up, the dang thing wouldn't start.  There wasn't even a whirr.  I tried and tried to call my husband because I didn't want any of our neighbors knowing what was going on, my kids or any family live an hour away and my appointment was 1/2 hour away.  I kinda panicked.  I finally got ahold of a friend and she agreed to take me.  I was now stressed.  So we went in and that friend sat for 2 hours in the waiting room while they took numerous mammograms and did ultrasounds to finally come to the conclusion that I grow groups of cysts in my breasts and that it is really nothing.  THANK HEAVENS!!

I have to say that Wednesday I didn't get out of bed until 10 am! It was good to just breath and not have anymore stress for a day or two.  I am grateful for the time I had away and that we got some time together.  I'm also grateful that nothing was found in my breasts that was bad.  I'm grateful that I have a husband that can serve in leadership capacities because he is worth and a great guy!!  I am really very, very blessed.  The one thing that I can say I'm getting used to is change.  It is inevitable and it happens constantly.

Big Quitter, No Way!

So this past week I began doing my homework.  It is math.  I hate math, I don't understand math.  I already did this remedial math a few years ago at Weber State University.  So why am I doing it again I asked myself.  I'm in tears and full of frustration.
So my husband asked me "Why are you doing this?"
I answered, to get a degree.
HUBBY: Yeah, but why do you need a degree?
ME: So if anything happens to you I have a fall back.
HUBBY: So the life insurance, the 1 year salary from my work and my IRA's wouldn't be enough for you?
ME:  Yes they would, but. . .
HUBBY:  So why are you doing this to yourself?

It made me take a step back and really look at what I was doing.  I have always wanted a degree, but what would it be good for now?  Would I ever have a career? No.  Would anyone hire me at the age of 56 or 58 when I would finish my degree? No.  Are the frustration and tears worth it? No.  Will this help our family in any way? No.  So I decided to quit.  I thought I would feel like a Big Quitter.  However, all I really feel is peace.  I don't have to worry about getting homework done and having to miss out on family things to get it done.  I can now resume my weekly Temple attendance without having to put it off to do homework.  I can return to my normal scripture study where I can immerse myself in reading if I want, not because I have an assignment due.  I can work on my projects and do those things I love to do now without feeling guilty that I'm not doing homework.

So not I'm not a Big Quitter.  I'm a Mover.  I am moving on to those things that are better for me and my family now.  No I won't ever realize the dream of getting a degree, and that is okay now.  I recognize that there are so many other ways to learn.  I will still read books and instructions on how to do those projects that I want.  I will continue to learn how to cook better and more healthy meals for me and my family.  I will continue to learn and grow but in other ways.  I am happy with my decision.  I am happy with my life.

Depression Update ~

So I have been on the supplements, 5HTP and L-tyrosine for 10 days now and wow can I tell a difference.  It also might be helping that I am off processed sugar and am also drinking Keifer along with a healthy Primal-type lifestyle.  Okay folks there you have it.  I am doing great.  On days that aren't so sunny I am still doing great!!  I can't believe it.  I feel like Rapunzel in Tangled where she is swinging around saying "Best Day Ever!"  Can you believe it in only 10 days.  I am so happy.

I think God places people in places so that they can enter our lives and help us when we need them the most.  He Loves us and wants what is best for us.  So now, I want to be the answer to someone else's needs.  I hope I can be that person that He wants me to be so that I can now return the blessings and do what I need to help someone else out; like paying it forward.

What a great day it is!!

Seasonal Depression

So I thought I was doing good, but apparently I haven't been.  It has been foggy and there has been an inversion in our valley for the past 2 weeks and I hit a wall.  Last Sunday I had a melt down.  I cried all day long.

Luckily I heard from my youngest daughter on Monday.  She is serving a mission in Tallahassee, Florida and she also suffers from seasonal depression.  While on her mission she has had the blessing of working with a companion who's mother is a mental health counselor.  This wonderful woman has put her on some natural herbal supplements that have helped her to overcome this depression.  So through her letter to me and with my being on the computer at the same time we were able to have a conversation where she let me know what she had been doing and what she had been taking.  I was also able to contact this sweet lady and get some information.

So now I am taking these supplements and hopefully they will kick in before too long.  It is snowing today and there is no sun.  But today is a beautiful day and I am grateful.  This week will be busy as I will have the opportunity to watch 2 of my sweet grandchildren and I think that will help.  When I am busy I tend not to be as depressed.  Maybe that is a tender mercy from my Heavenly Father, and that is how I am looking at it.

A New Year, A New Me!

Well, here it is January 6 and I have gotten off to a great start this year!  I am going back to the Paleo/Primal diet that I tried a couple of years ago.  I felt waaay better on it than I have for a long time.  So I am going back and doing it for permanent this time.  My body is a gift from my Heavenly Father and it's about time I started treating it that way.  I have also started working out, and I have to say I am sore, but in a good way.  I want to build my strength back up so that I can do the things that I've always wanted to do, but haven't been in shape to do.

So this is my pledge to myself!  I am going to be a new me.  I like me, but there is room for improvement.  And isn't that what this life is about anyway, improving ourselves?!  I think that is what Heavenly Father wants; for us to become the best that we can so that we can be happier when we return to him and not have regrets.

I am going to hang out with people that are positive.  I am going to make new friends and be the best friend that I can be.  I like this new me.  I am happier being this way.  I like smiling and helping others.  So, this is who I am and who I am going to become.

Happy New Year, Happy New Me!!