Latest News

Hannah had her baby on June 13.  Her name is Juniper and she is beautiful! She weighed 8 pounds 13 ounces and was 21 inches long.  Hannah and Trevor have been really good taking care of her.  Hannah goes back to work on July 22 and Trevor will begin school in August.  They have asked me to watch Junie 4 days a week at first and then about 8 weeks into the semester one of Trevor's classes ends and I will watch her 3 days a week.  We will see how it all goes.  Trevor will graduate next spring and so I will help them as much as I can.

Chris and Maddi have moved into a new house in the city of Soap Lake, WA.  They are happy with it.  It sits on 6 acres and they have a lot of projects to do, but I think they will be happy there.  I am going to visit them in August to help do some painting and such.  It will be good to see the little girls again. I miss having them around!

Logan and Maria also moved into a new home.  It is in Syracuse, Utah.  It is a beautiful home with lots of space.  Maria's family is able to come and spend a lot of time there.  Logan is doing well in his business.  We don't see them much, but hear from them from time to time and know they are happy.  Maria's parents take their children quite a bit and they love that.

Parker and Jamie are doing well.  Parker and Sam are working on their business together and I hope it goes well.  Goldie and Oli are growing up like crazy.  Goldie started to walk this week.  She is such a doll.  I see Goldie and Oli more than I see the other grandchildren and so I am up more on what they are doing.

Mom and Dad Call are still struggling along.  Pam and Burton moved out of their home and found a rental that is close to mom and dad.  We will all have to start taking dinners into mom and dad again so that they have good food as mom tends to make the same thing every day.  Dad is getting worse as far as his legs go.  He is so shaky now and can hardly walk, or shuffle.  Mom's Alzheimer's is getting worse.  She thinks she is 30 years ago.  It is a hard thing to watch.  I hope I never get like either of them.

I started going to a therapist and I think it was helping, but then things got busy and I stopped.  Sometimes I think I am such a wreck and that I really need to go, but then other times I do okay.  We'll see how I do on my own.  If necessary I can call her back and check in.

That is the latest news.

New Starts

So we have been trying to decide what we are going to do in our future.  As I wrote before, we have had struggles with the DocuMap business that Sam began a few years ago.  As we talked about what to do and we fasted and prayed, we both got the feeling that it is right to let it go for right now.  Sam started to think about consulting and working for a company in helping them to set up factories around the country.  However, Parker approached him and asked him to help set up a new company where they will provide metal roofing panels for a distributor.  They have been making up new brochures and marketing for this new company.  They will call it Transending Barrier Metals.  This will be a good opportunity for Sam and Parker to build not only their business, but also their relationship.  I will write more about it in future.

I also have had some different things happen.  I was contacted to join a research regarding Celiac Disease.  It was a research that was for medicine that supposedly could cure the T-cells that are damaged when you have Celiac disease.  But during this research you had to ingest gluten for 14 days, twice a day.  I prayed about this because if I didn't get the medication I would be doing damage to my body that causes me to become so ill and I am only beginning to feel somewhat better.  As I prayed late into the night, words came to me that I shouldn't participate in the research as I could die doing it.  Then three other times during the night as I struggled with sleep I was told not to participate as it would kill me.  Then I thought, well maybe that isn't a bad thing because I could help my family from the other side.  But then the thought of my patriarchal blessing came to my mind where Heavenly Father told me that he has a great work for me to accomplish in this life.  So I knew I wasn't to do the research program and I have had great peace about it.

This last week we had Maddi and her girls here with us.  She traveled here to surprise Hannah for Hannah's baby shower.  We had that this last Saturday.  It was a lot of fun and Hannah was so happy.  She has invited me to go with her to her last ultrasound before she delivers.  It is tomorrow and I am so excited to go with her.  It will be a neat experience!  I'm not sure when she is due, but she is getting close and they will find out tomorrow.

Maddi also found out that she is pregnant and is due at Thanksgiving time.  She thinks she is carrying a boy this time.  It will be cool for them to have a son and it will be a good experience for their whole family.  It was fun to have her and the girls here.  They are such a joy.  We will probably go up and see them in July or August.

I am still studying trying to find things that will help me with my health.  I have found that Sugar, dairy and gluten are all triggers for me.  I really need to get back on a good eating regime as when Maddi is here we kinda go nuts and eat poorly.  But it is time to get back on the wagon and get healthy.  I am going to a new Nurse Practitioner this Friday and then to a Therapist next Thursday.  Hopefully this will help.

Not Sure Where We're Going

So Sam quit his business 9 months ago.  He has worked so hard to get it up and going.  People say they like his software, but when it comes down to committing to purchasing it, they balk and it doesn't happen.  It has been a difficult thing for both of us.  We had such high hopes and expectations.  So now we are trying to decide what to do.  Where do we go from here?  I like Sam would rather have him be his own boss as he is so much happier doing that.  But the hard part is now coming up with another idea where he can earn money and work for himself.  And he is very particular.

I am now trying to come up with ideas where I myself can perhaps help with the funds of our family. What can I do to help bring in money so that it gives us a little more time.  The hard thing is finding something that I am good at and something that I enjoy.  I have always done jobs to help our family get through tight times, but nothing that I ever really loved.  I have thought of going back to school, but I hate that that will take time and money that we really don't have.  I need to get creative and find something.

I finally got the grand girls skirts done and they look fabulous.  I didn't think that the boys would really care.  Boys don't dress up quite like the girls.  Next project is working on the basement and finishing the painting.  I also have baby quilts to finish.  The littles that I wanted to make them for are almost 1 and 2.  So I really need to get on that.

Depression and Anxiety

Several years ago, I had surgery that put me into sudden menopause, along with triggering my body into another autoimmune disorder.  This one is called Mast Cell Activation Disease.  My body is always in a state of allergic reactions to so many things.  For so long I have just focused on the food allergies that I have.  However, last Saturday I could hardly breath.  For two nights I had been awake due to the rattling and wheezing in my chest.  I had a neighbor that is a home health care nurse come over and listen to my chest to get her opinion.  She said she heard the rattling and thought I should get into a doctor that day.  I haven't had a current doctor for the past couple of years as the last one I went to moved to Arizona and I have been self-treating with food supplements.  So I was finally able to get into a local doctor and see his PA.  She listened to my lungs and said she really didn't hear anything, but as I talked to her about my disorder she then began to ask questions.  As she did I think she began to see a pattern and she told me she thought I was having an allergic reaction to all of the pollens that are now coming on with Spring.  This threw me for a loop.  I hadn't thought I would have any kind of environmental allergic reactions!  But there you have it.  So for the last week she has treated me with an antihistamine, a nasal inhaler, an asthma medication and a stomach antihistamine. It is strange to take all of those medications.  I am used to taking a handful of supplements in the mornings and a few at night before I go to bed, but not meds.  I am feeling somewhat better.  Once in awhile I still feel like I have a heaviness in my chest, but I don't have as much rattling and I am now able to sleep.

One thing that I haven't ever talked about with this disorder is the depression and anxiety that I seem to deal with.  Years ago when I had my twins, I struggled with some depression.  But after a year or so I was able to overcome it and life went on again as normal.  With this new disorder, I seem to struggle with depression and panic attacks.  The depression seems to always be there lingering in the back ground waiting to rear it's ugly head.  Some days I could just cry all day and lay in bed, but I make myself get up and do something.  Some days I don't get dressed until one in the afternoon and some days I just put on sweats and sit around all day.  When Sam and I drive to Salt Lake I often have anxiety when we are in a lot of traffic and I don't have control.  He tries to understand, but I know it is hard for him to relate to how hard of a time I have.  I try to make our days as normal as I can, but some days it is so hard.  I often wonder how he stays with me.  I think he so deserves a better wife than I am.  I have gained quite a bit of weight since I got this disorder.  I would love to be the thin wife he married, but when I exercise it sets off reactions and to be honest there are days I cannot exercise because of my depression.  In my head I know it is a vicious cycle, but I can't make myself exercise.  There have been times that I have laid in bed and planned my death and wondered if anyone would even care if I were gone.  I think how my family would be better off without me.  I know this negative self-talk doesn't help, but sometimes I can't help it and I wonder if it comes from those fallen angles that serve Satan because they know how hard of a time I am having.

So today I began listening to a book by Jane Clayton on depression and she said something that I have been struggling with.  For so long now I have tried to live so I can be closer to the Spirit.  I think I have felt Him once or twice since this all began, but often I don't know why I struggle to feel Him.  I am going to church, even though more often than not I would much rather stay at home in bed.  I have been trying to attend the Temple more, but that is hard to do sometimes too.  In her book Jane said that those of our religion struggle with the aspect of feeling lonely and worthless and that even if Heavenly Father could help, we feel that because we aren't worth His love He wouldn't help.   She then talked about how much of the research about depression is based the physical aspects of depression.  The chemical make up of the brain and how it's functions and malfunctions effect our minds and bodies.  But she also said that depressions spiritual symptoms are just as real.  This began to hit home as I listened.  She said that in Doctrine and Covenants 88:15 it says, "And the spirit and the body are the soul of man." The two are inextricably linked.  What affects the body also affects the spirit.  This hit me so hard!  It isn't that the Spirit has left me, but perhaps because my body isn't working correctly, I am not feeling the Spirit correctly.  

So perhaps somehow I need to try to do something about my depression and anxiety and then I can be closer to the Spirit.  I guess the question is "How do I do this? Who can I go to that can help me? What is my next step for help?"  In the reading I have done regarding my disorder, many of the depression medications are triggers for more problems with this disorder.  I have a lot of research to do and more listening to do to see if there is some way that I can counter what is going on in my mind and body.  As I am listening to this book it gives me hope.  I am not alone and perhaps someone out there can help.  

Being Humbled

This week I had an experience that truly humbled me.  And even though it humbled me I was so grateful for the insight that Heavenly Father gave me.

On Friday of this week Sam and I attended the Logan Temple to do an endowment session.  We have been trying to do better at going and doing work for those who have died.  

In the past when I have attended the Temple by myself or with someone else and Sam hasn't been able to attend with me, I have told him of the many opportunities that I have had to stand in the prayer circle.  I told him how often there almost isn't enough people to complete a circle around the alter to perform this part of the endowment session. And this is not due to a lack of people being in the sessions.  Well, this time with Sam was no different.  The whole endowment session room was full of people.  However, when it came time to assist in the prayer circle, there were barely five couples to do this.  I shook my head and was almost angry that those who were attending the Temple were so unwilling to assist in this work.  I mean aren't we there to perform this work for the dead?  Shouldn't we be willing to stand up and do this work and not be so selfish?  These are the things that I was thinking to myself as we began this part of the session.  And then the thought came to me that I shouldn't be so judgmental.  That I should just be grateful that I could assist and partake of this blessing of doing this work.  As we turned around after having assisted in the prayer circle and I looked at the others in this session it came to me that perhaps there were so many that were struggling.  So many that couldn't imagine standing and helping with this work.  But because of where I am in my life I was able to.  I was suddenly so humbled and grateful that I could help do this work and I had to beg the Lord's forgiveness for judging the others in this session.  I know I have been in a place when I was unwilling to stand and perform this part of the work because of struggles that I was having.  I hope and pray that those that attended the session with us that day were able to feel of their Savior's love for them and hope that one day they will be in a place that they aren't unwilling or unable to help with this work.  I am so grateful I am able to do it and bless the lives of those that have gone on before. 

It was a wonderful week and I am blessed!

Family Keeps Growing

In my last post, I said that Hannah was expecting her first little one.  This has been somewhat of a miracle in her life.  Before Christmas she came to us letting us know that she had had a miscarriage.  There was enough matter that she knew she had lost a little one.  We were sorry that she lost it, but life as we know it went on.  As a family we enjoyed the holidays.  Logan and Maria were down in Phoenix with her parents.  They left Dec 18 and will be home sometime in March.  Maddi and Chris came down from Moses Lake, Washington where they now live with their sweet little girls.  It was good to have most of the family here.

Hannah was still very tired and she still was having some stomach problems.  She just kept plugging along and she and Trevor began an exercise routine that helped a little.  Sam and I left and went to Hawaii for a couple of weeks to get to warmer climbs while it was winter here.  While we were in Hawaii I got a call from Hannah, which is very unusual.  She usually calls and talks to her dad.  She told us that because of her stomach problems she had gone into the doctor again.  We had begun to think she was going to give us bad news, ie a tumor or something else.  Well, it was great news.  Even though she had lost one baby she was pregnant again, or so they thought.  When the doctor checked she found out that Hannah was 18 weeks along in a pregnancy.  They figured she had been pregnant with twins and had lost one, but was able to keep the other.  She sent us this picture.

 

Hannah and Trevor had picked out the name of Rosaline, but they decided to name her Juniper after the Juniper trees.  Juniper trees grow in harsh surroundings and in tough conditions and that is why they are naming her this.  After losing one little one, this little girl held on and is doing great.  I think I will call her Juni for short.  She is already precious to me and I can't wait to meet her and be able to love her.  I am excited.  She is due on June 19th.  I know she will be a blessing to our family!

Two Years Have Gone By

It has been almost two years since I posted on this blog.  A lot has happened in that time.  We have had more grandbabies, Hannah got married and is now expecting her first little one.  My mother and father are both in very poor health.  I have been dealing with fall-out from the surgery that I had two years ago.  Sam quit his job and has been trying to start his own software business.  We have traveled and been blessed to see many beautiful areas of the United States.  Changes have been made in the Church.  And people have come and gone in my life.

I have tried to be positive during all of this, however I have suffered with depression and anxiety more than I ever did in the past.  But we are working on getting that under control through diet and mindfulness as well as Yoga and exercise.  I have to remember baby steps and that it is all okay.  Progress will come.

I am hoping to post more as I have left most of the Social Media behind and want to have a more personal way of letting others know what is going on in my life.  This is also my way of keeping a sort of journal if you will of my life and what is happening in our family.